When a man says “IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN”,he means: "I have no idea how it works".
When a man says “TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD”,he means: "I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner".
When a man says “THAT’S INTERESTING DEAR.”,he means: "Are you still talking?".
When a man says: "IT’S A GUY THING",he means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected w/ this, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".
When a man says "CAN I HELP PREPARE DINNER?", he means: "Why isn’t it ready yet?".
When a man says "OH, DON’T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT’S NO BIG DEAL", he means: "I have probably severed a limb, but I will bleed to death before I admit I’m hurt, so get over here & help me!".
When a man says “I CAN’T FIND IT”,he means: "It didn’t fall into my outstretched hand, so I’m completely clueless".
When a man says “I HEARD YOU”,he means: "I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said and I am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you’ll not spend the next 3 days yelling at me".
When a man says "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC!" ,he means: "Oh please don’t try on one more outfit, we’re late and I’m starving."
When a man says "I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.”, he means: "No one will ever see us alive again".
When a man says “I don’t think I can go today.” ,he means: Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, I am never going to think of it that way.
When a man says, “I don’t remember saying that.” It’s because he means: “Anything I may have said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all past comments become null and void after 7 days ”.
When a man says, “That’s not what I meant.”, he means: “If something I said can be interpreted 2 ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, I meant the other one.
I heard about the little girl who walked out of the service after it was over and she said to the pastor, "When I grow up, I’m going to give you some money." The pastor said, "Thank you, dear, but why?" She said, "Because my dad says you are the poorest preacher he ever heard.
One night a wife found her husband standing over their newborn baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism. He would stand back, shake his head and say, "Amazing," while smiling from ear to ear. Touched by his unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, her eyes glistened as she slipped her arms around him. "A penny for your thoughts," she whispered in his ear.
"Isn’t it amazing!" he replied. "When you take the time and really look close, how can anyone make a crib like that for only $45.99!" .... THE END.
From : Sermon July 24 2010, Sermon Center